That One Has IT

Thank you Awesome Lady for the topic.
Thank you Mae for the proof reading and the hot spot. :)

This is an awful situation.

 Now you have this someone. At some point in your life, you have met this stupid someone. Why on earth did your paths crossed in the first place? I don’t know. You seriously don’t want to think about that person anymore. Not now, not later. But why do you still care? Why do you, when you have no right to entertain any thoughts of him/her, still can’t pass a day without him/her at that end part of your aorta?

Let us make the situation a more defined one.

When I say “you have no right to entertain the thoughts” means any of the reasons behind that restriction. Are you in a relationship? Or is it the other way around? Are you in this same-sex orientation and this someone of yours isn't just into it? Are you just friends? Goodness, this is so spoon feeding! There are a lot of situations that can cause this painful separation. This gap. This dark gap.

Today, you are reading this article because you are bound to read it. That’s the easiest way for me to tell you that things happen as they should. You have met this someone because he/she is to give you a challenging life. A meaningful life. He/she must be really great for him/her to get into your nerves.  Finally, you have found this one-of-a-kind connection and you are so grateful, you can’t imagine how it’s like without it in your life.

Everything is so messed up right now.

You’re feeling guilty. The first sign is feeling guilty. You want to stop, but you just can’t stop – yourself. You keep on doing things you know you shouldn’t do. You keep on going to places you know you’ll not be safe. You keep on climbing these places higher and higher, waking up one day there’s nowhere left to go but fall. Reread: But fall.

Then doubt kicks in. You’re now in doubt on where you would want to place yourself. On where do you want to stay, on where you are willing to go further. You once believed that you are in the rightmost place, now, that belief is shaken.

You are asking Why?

Do not ask me. Ask yourself. Why would you keep on thinking about this person if he/she is just a nobody in your life? Why are you feeling this dilemma that a problem-free human being should not be experiencing? Where’s that monumental contentment you had before? Where’s that beating clutch-sized thing inside you?

“When you are not sure, when you hope for the best, then you will fear the worst.”

Finally, there comes fear. You are not just afraid of what will happen soon, you are fearful right now. This fear is so compelling, you don’t even know where it is coming from. Are you afraid to hurt someone or lose a relationship? Are you afraid to leave your comfort, sure-zone? Are you terrified to jump and take the risk? You see, you are harboring tons more of questions like these. But I’m telling you, well if you still deny it, the biggest question you have inside is that open-ended, bloody “What if?”.

We are coming to an end. Maybe, it should also be the case with that problem of yours. YOU should end it sooner. A decision, the very sound one, is badly needed now. You are the only one to solve this. I am to help you by just asking: Who are you thinking most of the time? When there’s little time? When there’s almost no free time? With whom do you feel that light feeling? That flight? That weightless breeze? Where’s the laughter that pierce you through? The one that’s seen straight in your eyes? With whom can you feel total happiness? Genuine happiness? What’s that name that makes you warm inside your being? That one that erases all doubts in you? Decide. That one has it. The thing missing in you - your heart.  

Photos: abstractartpainting.wordpress.com,www.chilture.com,www.osnatfineart.com .

A Note to The One that Looks for Me

Thanks Marie for this topic!

Dear you,

If you’ve ever wondered if I think about you too, please know that I do.

I am writing this letter for you to remember that each day, I am doing all that I can to be a worthy person for you.

Each morning when you wake up, I am hoping that you’re happy and well. Dear, get yourself quick, and don’t be late. Take your breakfast and be full, I myself am starving too. I’m fond of hot chocolate and pancakes, will that be okay with you?

Do you love listening to music too? If so, please hear the songs that I am playing for you. I was changing tracks these days, so I hope there are times that we have the same play. When my music gets to you, be warm and feel that I’m right there too.

In your busy times sweetheart, be confident that I am with you. I am the comfy chair, the calming air, and even the weird noise that cheers you. Take your time, I’ll understand. Just do your best, I am proud of you. I, myself, may be busy sometimes, forgive me if I will borrow my heart. I may do other things more frequently, but it doesn’t mean that we’re growing apart.

And at those moments when you’re in doubt if you’ll still find me, be brave and keep in mind that we are for each other, of course, we are meant to be. We may be lost in track, but sure it won’t take us too long. Besides, I am also fighting, so please, just please stay strong to move on.

Dear you, please have courage. Constantly pray and take care. Don’t worry about me, I’m a grown up girl, I can take care of myself. I may cry sometimes because I am longing for you. But just focus on your way, I know you’ll be getting here too.  

So if you’ve ever wondered if I look for you too, yes, I’m in a hurry to finally find you.

Love,

The One that Waits for You.

You're in Love with a Friend.

It is early in the morning and I’m doing this write up inside a bus. I’ve been thinking about this topic for quite some time now since a very good friend of mine asked me to write about this well-known epidemic in the world- you falling in love with a friend.

Attraction

Some would say that they are not attracted to the “suspect” INITIALLY. That the first time they’ve known each other, there’s not a single thought that prophesized: “One day, you’ll bang your head at the wall cause you’re losing sanity for “the Luuurrrvveee”. Admit it, you’re guilty of that superb denial script with the lines: “Excuse me??? He’s NOT  even my type! DUH?”. Well, I said INITIALLY. And that “INITIALLY” would sometimes mean days, a week, or a month. And then that STUPID little instance of sweetness, a moment of awkward silence, or a night’s sleepover would change your platonic PRINCIPLE in a snap.

Proximity

I really hate proximity. It’s not that I don’t want anyone to be near me. It’s just that proximity breaks down all your defenses. There will come a time when you’ll be fighting against, well, you yourself. Proximity will knock you out of your guardzone, making you realize how nice it is to be near the “accused” ( the one that makes you smile with a super corny, mega nonsense joke, the one who scolds you of not finishing your spaghetti meal, and YOU, unknowingly surrenders- DROPPED DOWN, BREATHLESS, D-E-A-D).Stupid proximity teaches you, of course, stupidity. You will reach a point where you won’t even mind how you’ll end up for the sake of a sight, a talk, a shared laughter. You’ll ignore those SHAMEFUL moments, you’ll get used to it. You won’t care, and so, you’ll eat your priceless pride- chicken fried.

I’ve waited long enough to finish this. I even see to it that I’ve watched the movie Les Miserables for the character Eponine [yeah I know: ON MY OWN. =’( ]. “I’VE BEEN THROUGH THIS FOREVER”, I said to my friend. That friend told me that I won’t be like THIS ‘forever’, and that I just have to wait. I guess so too. And to end up this article, I would like to tell you some things about taking:

CHANCES

Again, TAKE CHANCES, because chances are, it will take you THERE too. If you really like the “murderer”, go for it. DO YOUR PART. Help that scumbag realize that you are worth the sight. Of course, do it with GRACE. You won’t like ending up like a chewing gum stuck in the corner of the garbage can when you CARELESSLY do this TAKING-CHANCES thing. Look flawlessly fine even when deep inside, you are taking all the efforts to remind him that YOU EXISTS. If you really LOVE that idiot, just be right there for him. Never ever let a span of time pass away without a slightest “you” in his circulatory system. TRY. At least, TRY.

Take it from there. This is not a new story in our history. And, like all others say:

Baby, YOU are in the most strategic place.

photos: www.wikihow.com

How to Know His Will?

Many times I was asked if I believe in destiny.

Things happen because they are bound to happen. If it is not yet clear to you, everything is set before your very eyes.

God’s will. It is not a compelling force that restricts you to do something out of your free will. It is more of an amazing way of revealing things. I call it the “weird” way. Why weird? Well, for me, God is a playful God.  He is childish and funny in His own ways. When we are too serious in handling life’s situations, He remains cool.. and light.. and easy. Sometimes He is the one to remind us “Hey, relax. You can handle it!”. Yes we are given difficult challenges. There will, of course, be some heartbreaking scenes as we go on our way. We will always get lost, for even the faithful are shaken. We will always get tired and weary. We’ll run out of hope and patience. We will always get hurt and inflict hurt. If you are not to experience these things, think again, for you may not be living life at all.

Our will. It is an amateur showcase of what we’ve got. I’m not saying that we are direction-less. We are, most of the times, POINTLESS. We know the right things to do, the right words to say, the better decisions to make. But we still stubbornly depart from it. But, then again, if you are not to experience these things, you, may not be living life at all.

If you are reading this because you are experiencing a conflict between His Will and yours today, I’ve got some advice for you. Don’t try to understand everything. At the end of the day, you will realize that you can’t do anything but to just LET IT HAPPEN. Acceptance is a heartwarming answer to our unending worries. Our emotions may be overflowing at the moment; we want everything to take place according to our plans. In feeling like this, we will get disappointed and discouraged when things turn out differently.

Instead, try to figure out how things are going through and have a clue on what God wants you to do. If your expectations are not met, maybe you should stop waiting for it at your doorstep. You can always talk to Him, ask Him for signs, do it. Just don’t pressure Him to answer you right there and then! Again, He’s cool, and He is taking HIS TIME. You might want to take it too. Now if everything is favorably happening, enjoy it, and BE GOOD. Try to make yourself better if you are blessed with what you pray for. If God thinks that you deserve it, He will GIVE IT TO YOU. If you still don’t have it today, maybe you are not ready to receive it yet.

Trust me, He’s clever and naughty and weird. He’ll surprise you to the point that you’ll just smile and realize what a witty God He is. Surrender my friend. He is the most genius, and HE’s GOT CONTROL of EVERYTHING. What more can be so reassuring?

So now you know my answer. I don’t believe in destiny, simply because I don’t call it destiny. What I believe in, is God’s Will.

Happy Sunday! =)

photo:jpguerrero.wordpress.com

and yet, He Doesn't Know

To Faisah

When you're missing someone and yet he doesn't know:

You'll keep on thinking, will you tell him or not?

You'll keep on thinking....

and thinking....

and thinking...... ALL DAY long.

When you're loving someone and yet he doesn't know:

I know sometimes you would ALMOST tell him.

sometimes...

most of the times.

ALMOST EVERY TIME.

He doesn't know that there's never a moment that he's not with you. That to where he is, THERE.ARE. YOU. That to where you are, your heart's not found.

How can one be apart when he has your heart?




photo:abhi373.blogspot.com

The Feeling of Emptiness

It’s nine in the evening and yet I’m still at work. We’re scheduled to leave by 10pm for us to be in the shuttle service of our client. This is our world. Being at field is not easy, especially when you’re just starting your career. But I guess, the brighter side of this profession is the opportunity of meeting different people, be at different places- travel.

While waiting for 10 o’clock to arrive, I’m now thinking of a friend who requested me to write something about “emptiness”. Geez. It’s kinda hard to conceptualize anything about being EMPTY. You’re suppose to produce something out of “nothing”!

It’s a difficult emotion to describe. Maybe it’s because we ourselves do not entertain emptiness when it hits us. That moment when you feel like doing something you don’t know yet? Or wanting someone you don’t know who? It sucks. It doesn't feel good when we don’t understand our own emotions. It is like our souls are drifting from us and yet we don’t want to control as to whether we’ll get back or not.

In these situations I usually don’t want to talk much with anyone. I often would want to be alone to think things over. In these “down” days I let myself not to be me. I’m nobody. No self-appreciation, no self-concern, I-don’t-care. Someone who doesn’t want to let his/her brain cells work will unknowingly manage to keep him/herself SAFE just by being non-existent. ISOLATION. That is the right word.

Can you relate? Yes? Really?? Oh wow. I said Isolation is the right word. But you know what is the BEST word if you’re feeling like this? QUARANTINE. Uh-huh. Go quarantine yourself. Like the birds, the cows, or even the pigs when there’s an epidemic! Tsssss.

Smile. I’m not mad or what. Hahaha. I just described the feeling of emptiness. And after reading I believe that you’ve realized how unwanting emptiness is. I’m not saying that you must not feel it. You SHOULD experience it, not dwell on it.

Emptiness teaches us humility. That after the long road we’ve traveled, there will still come a time that you’ll feel so useless. Worthless. It’s OKAY. Even the ten wheeler trucks will get tired of the off road. You’re just you. You’re no superhero. It’s perfectly fine sometime to hit your chest when you feel that it’s hollow and your heart is not found inside it. Again, It’s okay.

Emptiness teaches us patience. It renews us for us to attain new goals, dreams and hopes. Be very grateful because it offers you a “restart”, a “refresh”, and almost an “undo” of everything that went wrong.

IT IS A CHANCE. Take a good grab of it. Take a deep breath. Then… Can you smile for me please? 

Control+Save. Now I can go home. Thanks! :)

photos: revangiemn.files.wordpress.com, youdonthaveenoughbadges.files.wordpress.com

A Strong Woman’s Alter Ego is an Inner Goddess

Describing her as Miss Independent is an understatement. Calling her the tubby brat is, well, an understatement too! Kidding. Hahaha

.

I’ve known the pretty lady Mae for about three years now and yet she still keeps on making me laugh my whole heart out in our chats and texts messaging. She is, in no doubt, the queen of the best witty jokes ever! She carries herself the way Anne Hathaway would do herself, say, in the movie Love and Other Drugs? Yes. That daring.

But if you would really know her, you will be even more amazed when you’ve learned how dramatic her life has been. And when I say drama, it means that you’ll have two lanes of slimy liquid type of crying when you cry. Life has been too ironic with her, that the more she struggles, the happier she gets. Crazy.

She keeps on telling me her secret. She has an alter ego. More of a Hey-don’t-get-lost-I’m-here type of another self that speaks with her every time she finds herself loosing sanity. She calls “her” her inner goddess.

Her “unnamed” inner goddess, according to her is a lady now. She keeps her strong in times of grief telling her “Stand up, move on, walk.” With grace, this inner goddess commands her to keep calm and take everything under her control. When she’s in front of her super/dash/ultimate crush, inner goddess will whisper: “Okay, walk slowly, don’t panic, control your emotions.” When she’s in a fight, inner beautiful goddess turns not only into Athena, but to Medusa too! 

So why am I telling you all this?

Yeah. I want to let you know that, we too can stand up, gracefully walk, and turn into Medusa, I mean Athena as well! There will come a moment when you’ll feel that you’re extraordinarily beautiful and that your inner self is glowing. When that time comes, I’m sure that your inner goddess is born in you. Mine is a little kiddy goddess still, trying to keep me patient and calm all these times.

I keep on telling Mae that she’s not kind. I’ve always been that honest with her. But with that honesty, I can sincerely say that her goodness as a person is what makes her inner goddess shine. Have an inner goddess that is upright, not necessarily kind.

Oh, hi there. Hello goddess! :)

photo: fashioneditorials.com

The Boy that was Never Yours

I wrote this one about a month ago. It's crazy that it's not applicable to any of my feelings at the moment anymore. See how girls change their emotions? Hahaha. I'm now happy eating my Ricoa Flat Tops while taking a short break from work, got a sudden lift of happiness, and so I think I want to share this with you. :)

You always got that feeling that maybe this time, "this is it." Yes, it's a sign, you're a girl. I don't know why we tend to feel or think that way. We are so dead hopeless romantics since Barbie was born. Believe me, cliche I may sound,but it's the happiest feeling in the world- being in Love. Though it brings the most tragic blood clot too, courtesy of Love's cousin- One-sided Love.

I've met Cris during a job interview, and I must say that he's way too shy/reserved or snob to the point that you would never notice him in the middle of the crowd. I'm fine with that. In the past  two decades and three years of my existence, I was never attracted to loud boys. Neither to shy boys though (not until this time),but to snob guys? definitely yes.

As we move along with our interview (he's our interviewer), he was doing just fine until he did the most manly smile I have ever seen in my entire life! Mind you, by that moment, I have proven true those slow-motion scenes in the movies, and the starry-twinkling eyes of the princesses whose hearts are pricked by Cupid's love pins. I can't literally explain the feeling but I hope that you can relate when I say that it is as if you have dug your heart out, put it in the fridge,remove it when it's chilled and then that's it! Don't try to put it back in because the feeling I want to describe is the HEARTLESS feeling!

The second chance we were together, I was seated next to him and guess what? I was able to memorize his facial features! (laughs) I'll end with laughing. It's ironic how gleeful one girl might be when she's in this situation and yet she can't put her tossed-up, chilled heart back in, aware of the fact that the moment she does, the numbness will fade and the pain of the one-sided "what-if" will remain. 

I was hired, by the way. :)

photo: listal.com

When Everyone Talks About Love

You will never get a chance to choose to whom you are going to fall in love with. The moment the thought crosses your mind, the idea will definitely haunt you. Some say girls fall in love more quickly than boys. Yes, girls sometimes do, but it is not always the "love" thing, presto! 

We tend to rationalize everything about the guy, most especially when we know that it will not going to be a smooth and easy set up. We think about and process each factor, and the moment we decide, it's sure something not to joke about. Some girls are advanced, they won't mind to tell a guy their discovered feelings. On the other hand, I can say that still, many women would hold back to the full extent of their being. Say it pride, but for me it's more of self-respect. YES. We just don't want to get hurt. But don't get me wrong. WE are not always the VICTIM in this hullabaloo. In fact, women can be more ruthless than men if they want to. I, myself, am guilty of being heartless many times. So with regard to who's hurt and who's bad is a matter of la..la..la.. 

Of course men would prefer that we tell them first our feelings for them. It's obviously their win-win situation, not to mention the saved effort and fetish of pursuing a girl. But then again, women should try their best not to end up that way, no matter how they love a man. Again, it's not actually pride, it's not conservatism neither, it is more on the fact that men should nurture a woman of THEIR OWN. He should go and find his long-lost rib match, to take good care of it, love it, and protect it as his part. In that way the woman is secured that her man would never hurt her, in one aspect or another, simply because she is his treasure found after a long, long search. In return, the woman would maintain for him a warm shelter, ensuring that he would never lose a cheerful soul. Of all the things that matter, it is never a sin to fall in love, if only between self-respect and affection, a woman takes a cautious heart. 



photo: t1.gstatic.com

The Cure to Expecting Too Much

THANKS KATNEV & MASTARI

There’s the possibility that one: you’re insane and two: you’re really insane. There could be no other reason why one should expect something from another when in the first place, he/she has no right whatsoever to demand anything from a person. Expecting too much is dangerous. It’s fatal. Once you’ve realized that you’ve got this feeling, most often than not, it is already too damn late.

Why do people like to expect too much? It’s simple. Everyone is a daydreamer, admit it or not. Each individual has his own view of a perfect scenario, an ideal process of moments, a happy ending. Each of us comforts our own selves through imaginings. Imaginings that we plot, we create, we insist to ourselves for us to believe in. We draw responses of our own design, as if we are the author of the best moments of our lives. Then when the real scenarios come, we drastically match our creations with it. Sad to say, they would not fit most of the time, if not all the time. So to our disappointments, cheers!

Some friends of mine had their best advices on how I can cope up when I’ve found myself expecting too much. One said that I should avoid comparing myself with others. Comparing what you would have done when you’re in the same situation will just set your mind to expect that things would end up the way you want them to be. Other people would not acquire your talents in handling situations, your maneuver will not be the same as theirs. So you must just let them address a problem the way they find it most appropriate, keep calm, and then attack when you need to attack. ( Laughs. )

My other friend told me to relax. Well, I think I need not have to explain it a lot. Let things unfold as it is. After all, you can’t control everything. Or maybe, “it’s too early to tell”. The spices of life will be lost if you will have the vision of all the moments to happen. The most beautiful instances in life come in surprises.

Chill. As to whether the other person meets your ideals is immaterial. As to whether he/she feels the way he/she feels is beyond your prowess. You. Hard-headed. Stubborn kid. I want you to read the following words slowly:

You can’t always have it all.


photo: youbeauty.com