Thank you Mae for the proof reading and the hot spot. :)
This is an awful situation.
Now you have this someone. At some point in
your life, you have met this stupid someone. Why on earth did your paths crossed
in the first place? I don’t know. You
seriously don’t want to think about that person anymore. Not now, not later.
But why do you still care? Why do you, when you have no right to entertain any
thoughts of him/her, still can’t
pass a day without him/her at that end part of your aorta?
Let us make the situation a more
defined one.
When I say “you have no right to entertain
the thoughts” means any of the reasons behind that restriction. Are you in a
relationship? Or is it the other way around? Are you in this same-sex
orientation and this someone of yours isn't just into it? Are you just friends?
Goodness, this is so spoon feeding! There
are a lot of situations that can cause this painful separation. This gap. This dark gap.
Today, you are reading this
article because you are bound to read it. That’s the easiest way for me to tell
you that things happen as they should. You have met this someone because he/she
is to give you a challenging life. A
meaningful life. He/she must be really great for him/her to get into your
nerves. Finally, you have found this one-of-a-kind
connection and you are so grateful, you can’t imagine how it’s like without it
in your life.
Everything is so messed up right
now.
You’re feeling guilty. The first
sign is feeling guilty. You want to stop, but you just can’t stop – yourself.
You keep on doing things you know you shouldn’t do. You keep on going to places
you know you’ll not be safe. You keep on climbing these places higher and
higher, waking up one day there’s nowhere left to go but fall. Reread: But fall.
Then doubt kicks in. You’re now
in doubt on where you would want to place yourself. On where do you want to
stay, on where you are willing to go further. You once believed that you are in
the rightmost place, now, that belief is shaken.
You are asking Why?
Do not ask me. Ask yourself. Why would you keep on thinking about
this person if he/she is just a nobody in your life? Why are you feeling this
dilemma that a problem-free human being should not be experiencing? Where’s
that monumental contentment you had before? Where’s that beating clutch-sized
thing inside you?
.jpg)
Finally, there comes fear. You
are not just afraid of what will happen soon, you are fearful right now. This
fear is so compelling, you don’t even know where it is coming from. Are you
afraid to hurt someone or lose a relationship? Are you afraid to leave your
comfort, sure-zone? Are you terrified to jump and take the risk? You see, you
are harboring tons more of questions like these. But I’m telling you, well if
you still deny it, the biggest question you have inside is that open-ended,
bloody “What if?”.
We are coming to an end. Maybe,
it should also be the case with that problem of yours. YOU should end it
sooner. A decision, the very sound one, is badly needed now. You are the only
one to solve this. I am to help you by just asking: Who are you thinking most
of the time? When there’s little time? When there’s almost no free time? With
whom do you feel that light feeling? That flight? That weightless breeze? Where’s
the laughter that pierce you through? The one that’s seen straight in your
eyes? With whom can you feel total happiness? Genuine happiness? What’s that
name that makes you warm inside your being? That one that erases all doubts in
you? Decide. That one has it. The thing missing in you - your heart.
